i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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