I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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