Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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