the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
