dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize