I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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