WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
