we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
