I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Randomize
