booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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