After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
