The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
