dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
