Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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