I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
