I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize