first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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