OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
