cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
