It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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