Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize