so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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