Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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