Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
