They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
