If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
