Me too!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
