We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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