imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dignity is for republicans.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
