oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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