The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What a dumb baby whore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
