these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
