somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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