Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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