dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
