girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
