her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
