haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
