I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
