Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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