hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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