I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
