And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
