when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
