just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
