I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
