I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize