A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
