I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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