new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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