My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this will be a night to untag.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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