I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
