you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
