Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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