Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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