Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
