the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
