i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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