I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize