What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
