Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
