Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
