Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
