I just saw a hot homeless man
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
