i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
